Twenty Things I Wish Adoptive Parents Knew
Twenty Things I Wish Adoptive Parents Knew(an excerpt from the book by Sherri S Herrie Eldridge)
1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.
2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.
3. If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.
4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.
6. Just because I don't talk about my birth family doesn't mean I don't think about them.
7. I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family
8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details my be.
9. I am afraid I was given away by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame.
10. I am afraid you will abandon me.
11. I may appear more whole than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden, so I can integrate all the elements of my identity.
12. I need to gain a sense of personal power.
13. Please don't say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.
14. Let me be my own person but don't let me cut myself off from you.
15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don't tell other people without my consent.
16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.
17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.
18. I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle.
19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in therewith me, and respond wisely
20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents.
3 comments:
These are good reminders of the tremendous responsibility that we are taking on by adopting.
It's so hard, in our girls cases, because some of these answers WE will never know the answer to. Loving your blog!
there are so many responsibilities that we have when we adopt our children. That is one reason why we have the chinese school, so our kids can grow up knowing that they are NOT alone, that others share in the same journey.
Thanks for sharing this Donna. Having a family is just a first step in the healing for our kids!
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