Hi friends,
This is Amy, updating for Donna. Donna says Shelby did well and I pray they have a peaceful night. I got a text from her this afternoon after surgery and they had Shelby in their arms. Keep praying for Shelby to be pain free and also for her parents too!
Well when I say that I mean, not so rare really. Someone asked me the other day how "common" it was to be born with a cleft lip or palate. As you can see here are the statistics for US born children. Clefts are more common in Asia due to everyday pollution that the mothers are exposed to. So it appears that my "special needs" girls both have one of the most common birth defects out there.
What are the most common birth defects?
Some of the most common birth defects include:
Heart defects: As many as 1 in 100 babies in the United States are born with heart defects each year (1). While advances in surgery have dramatically improved the outlook for affected babies, heart defects remain the leading cause of birth defect-related infant deaths (8).
Cleft lip/palate: About 1 in 700 babies is born with cleft lip/palate each year (1). Affected babies can have problems with eating, speech and language. Some have a small cleft that can be corrected with one surgical procedure, while others have severe clefts and need multiple surgeries.
Down syndrome: This chromosomal abnormality affects about 1 in 800 babies in the United States (1). Early intervention programs and treatment of associated health problems have greatly improved the outlook for affected individuals.
Spina bifida (open spine): This disorder affects about 1 in 2,500 babies in the United States each year (1). Affected babies have varying degrees of paralysis and bladder and bowel problems.
Other common birth defects include musculoskeletal defects (including arm and leg defects), gastrointestinal defects (including defects of the esophagus, stomach and intestines) and eye defects. These birth defects usually are multifactorial.
Well today is my last day of regular work for at least a week or two. I have a crazy busy day cramming everything in, but I just can't seem to get my emotions in check today. I feel like such a wimpy mom today. I read alot of blogs of others and I don't think I have ever read much about how "mom feels" the days before a big surgery. I know it isn't about me and that I should just be focused on my little girl right now. And in a big way, that is why it hurts so much to be her mom right now.
Look at what my wonderful sister-in-law and brother shipped us all the way from Texas! Yep, a whole CASE of Wahahas!!! I can't believe she found them. 
it is the yucky strep again! This time it has struck me and Faith. Now the real problem is that we have to keep Shelby WELL until her surgery next week. Thankfully she isn't showing any signs and she passed her pre-op visit today no problems. So we will just hope and pray she stays well while Faith and I both take our antibiotics getting rid of this yucky stuff!Now this is the way to do adoption fund raising! I personally have never been a big fan of "fundraising" for an adoption. I have always thought that was weird since I never have been asked by anyone to pay for infertility treatments or hospital copays. So I have not ever really seen anything out there that I would endorse as a good idea for fund raising I suppose.
This organization however has really touched me and I think it is a wonderful idea! So if anyone out there needs true and honest help with their adoption and live in Atlanta, sign me up and I will be there to paint with the rest of the crew!!
Today is Shelby's 2nd Gotcha Day Anniversary! Wow we have been blessed with her in our lives for 2 whole years. As you can see in the pics she has certainly changed. Our whole family has changed and I can't imagine our lives any different. What a wonderful journey we have had with her. Here you can see my original Gotcha Day post. I just looked at the video of that wonderful time and it brought tears to my eyes remembering all the crazy wild emotions that went along with our first trip to China. You can click here to check out the video I made a long time ago. It seems like a LONG time ago, yet it has only been 2 years. It is a wonderful thing to watch your children grow up right before your eyes.
Turkey Loo-Hoo, I love you forever and ever!
No really I promise she is enjoying every minute! The Tickle Monster- I mean Mommy- is her favorite :)
Since Shelby's p-flap surgery is sneaking up on us, I have been trying to do my homework and reading some other families' posts regarding their experiences. Here is one that was just posted about her child's surgery. I am so NOT excited about this next adventure :(
Hi all,well, Monday was our son's p-flap. We have had a trying time from the minute he was brought out of anesthesia to his first hours on the floor. I find it a little theraputic to write on here so I hope this helps those going through this in the future...When he was coming out of the surgery he stopped breathing and had to be put back under very quickly to have the breathing tube reinserted and it even gave the c.n.a. as she says a "run for her money." He had a difficult time breathing for several hours post op and we were in the recovery floor for almost four hours.
The next 24 hours were a nightmare as we somehow ended up on a "short stay floor" where the nurses were less than familar with our surgery. They were used to transitioning kids out in 24 hours or less and started trying to only push oral pain meds despite the docs and my telling them no. Even the charge nurse was calling our doc directly saying things like "well, with these orders you realize your families could be here for days." When she told me she said this to the doctor I was flabergasted! I just looked at her and said YES we know, knew we would be here for the better part of a week.
So now for hours he had been spitting out most of his pain meds that I was asked to give him orally. He finally got some comfort Tuesday afternoon with the correct pain meds b/c a resident was smart enough to cut an oral med order. So he got some IV morphine and started to really rest. Then late that night his IV went bad. They removed it before 9pm and we waited until midnight to get a new one.. Now keep in mind I'm not a patient or nice person when even waiting to long at a restaurant. But it was like fighting underwater trying to get my point across that our son had just gone almost a whole day with bad pain management and then hours with no fluids or IV pain meds again - ugh!
Finally I started telling them how ticked I was and their response was that he was drooling and his vitals were fine so he was o.k. - so what, they were waiting for him to literally crash before they cared?Needless to say I started to voice my opinion. Keep in mind the hospital is under flu restrictions for visitors so it is literally just my husband and I that are allowed up to his room at all. So it has been more than exhausting to say the least. I went home Wed to shower and see my other children. When I finally got out of the hospital and ran through the events in my mind I was getting more upset.
Fast forward to yesterday, Thursday. Our son is finally getting the care he should have gotten the first hours post op. I was able to articulate my story to hospital staff that claim they can help fix this in the future. And I tried to explain that we hired our doctor for a reason and to be told by nurses they were questioning his orders was ridiculous! If that happens do it behind the scenes, listen to us the parents and don't put us in the middle.
Be aware those going through this that the staff is not used to this surgery. Most nurses kept comparing this to a tonsilectomy and our docs were ticked when I told them this. One doc told me there is nothing similar and he was fuming. Be aware that you have to tell the staff up front you realize this is a long recovery and you don't plan to rush it at all. Day one post op is literally just a day of managing pain and that is it. I just thought the doctor's words and orders would be enough for them but apparently it wasn't. We have had nurses every day tweaking the orders to how they think things should go - ie let's just try and stretch the pain meds to get him home faster. Hello, how is he going to want to eat or drink with more pain? They just do not get it.
Our son wanted to try and eat and drink on Tuesday after surgery. B/c his pain was not under control he screamed when trying to get anything down. Since then he has been terrified to try to eat or drink until last night when my husband got him to eat. We literally wheeled him down to the hospital cafeteria just so he could smell food to try and encourage him a little. It took the staff until Thursday to realize he isn't getting any oral meds down b/c he is either choking or spitting them out so he finally got supposotory (spell?) tylenol.
I can't believe this happened to us at the hospital that is supposed to be one of the best in the country. And I can't believe nurses would question a doctor that is the head of his department, a known specialist in this area and one that also runs the volunteer program at the Shriners here in town for cleft kids.
Bottom line our son seemed to be turning a corner last night - wanting to eat but cautious to do it while super sedated with morphine. His surgery was Monday and we just hope he can manage to drink enough to come home today, Friday. It has been exhausting on me to spend three sleepness nights there and on our kids here that miss Mommy and can't visit their little brother at all. But we're still moving forward and thankful that this hopefully will change our son's speech for the best.
I want him home and comfortable here but am not too anxious as I'm afraid he might be in more pain and stop drinking or eating. It is really a balancing act that we have had to micro manage every minute of every day and night. Thanks for letting me vent here it really is helpful. Now I'm just waiting to get the kids on the bus so I can get up there with my husband and see how our little guy is doing today.
I just read this post from Amy who heads up my favorite charity Love Without Boundaries. I thought I would share with you all:
"I think it is a fair statement to say that most of us who have adopted internationally think that our child's birthparents made the decision to abandon their child. I have read many essays and poems where adoptive parents imagine the birthmother hiding in the bushes or watching until the tiny bundle is found. Perhaps that is how you imagine it to be as well. I know I certainly did, until I helped run a cleft mission where many of our patients were rural children with families.
On that trip, parents told me one story after another that quite simply turned everything I thought I knew about abandonment on its head.
I want to share one of those stories today, as I have been thinking so much about my son's birthparents lately.On this particular cleft mission, we had far more babies needing surgery than space available, so very sadly we were having to turn families away. We had set a weight requirement for the kids' safety, and we soon learned that parents were sewing rocks into their babies' clothing in the hopes that their kids would meet our 10 pound requirement. We also had begun turning away babies who were obviously younger than 5-6 months because we wanted to make sure the kids would do well under anesthesia.
I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did.
She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28 days old, and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much." But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely.
When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.Over and over on that trip, I heard stories from birthparents who adored their children with cleft, but who were told the children could not stay in the extended family.
I met a woman whose daughter with cleft had been taken from her by her in-laws while she slept. She never saw her daughter again. She had come to our mission after reading about it in the paper, to thank us for giving parents a chance to keep their children.....a chance she herself did not have.
That trip changed everything for me about how I view birthparents in China. Many people give pat explanations about infant abandonment that cover the issue in blanket terms: “Babies are abandoned because rural families want sons.” “Babies are abandoned because the medical needs were too great.” Simple, one line sentences, to explain a personal life event that is often very complex.
When it comes to human life, and heartbreaking decisions…..abandonment and loss.....I have learned that there are rarely simple explanations. Every single one of our children faced a great loss in their lives, but the reality is…..we have no idea about the deep, personal stories of the people involved. We have no idea who made the decision that a child couldn’t stay in the family. We have no idea of the anguish, or sacrifice, or resignation experienced. It is easy to think it was a birthparent who lovingly placed the child by the orphanage front gate, but it could have just as easily been an in-law or an uncle who was given instructions by the head of the family to remove the baby from the home.
Every child has their own unique story. It certainly hurts more, however, to think that any of our kids have birthparents like the woman I met on that very somber day. There is still such a stigma surrounding children born with special needs, especially in the rural areas of China. For those of us parenting these amazing kids, the unknowns of their beginnings are very sad to think about, aren't they? Have you thought much about this issue? Do you normally think of a birthparent making the decision to leave a child? Or were you already aware that especially for children with special needs, many become orphaned to not bring shame to the family at large?"
Amy
We had a busy and cold weekend. We started Friday night with Nana's birthday party. Shelby just couldn't wait to have Nana's Party. Now Nana really wasn't planning a big party, so we just had to improvise for Shelby's sake of course. So I invited some friends over and got a yummy Bruster's ice cream cake and we had a "party"! Happy Birthday Mom- oops I mean Nana!
"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to slide in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming "HOLY CRAP what a ride!" ~unknown~
We had a another great day today in the big city of Dallas. Sheila and I started the morning off with breakfast at a bakery. We walked about a mile to get there so surely there were no points in what we ate ;) Next, we went out to lunch today at a real authentic Chinese restaurant. It was very good and actually took me back to our days we spent in China. Yes, it makes me want to go back (just for the good time, not another baby!). Little C went to his Chinese school today while we were at lunch. I found it very interesting that they take him to Chinese school just like the one we have at home. My SIL thought it was a great idea to get the girls in Chinese school when they get old enough. So maybe next year Shelby will start going. Anyhow, after we picked up my nephew we were off on our next adventure...bowling!
It has actually been a few years since they had been bowling and little C had NEVER been. Needless to say it didn't take the little guy too long to figure it out. He had a blast and so did everyone else. I think the best part was just watching him light up every time it was his turn :) After bowling we did some more visiting and just hung out at the hotel until dinner time. We had reservations at the Magic Time Machine tonight. What a fun place. We ate WAY too much and of course had to top ourselves off with a big banana split in the end. It was a great day.
Now now get your mind out of the gutter ;) We did a little touring today hanging out with my new fun relatives! We made to the JFK Memorial Museum today for a little history lesson, especially for me. It was really neat and at the same time kinda creepy being in the same place JFK was killed. It was very interesting, more interesting was of course the company we kept all day :)
Fortunately it wasn't raining today, just a little cool especially for Dallas since the high was about 65 today. So we went to McDs for lunch since I promised the little guy a happy meal toy and an ice cream from his Aunt Donna. As you can see, he seemed to enjoy it. We got to visit alot together today which is a lot of fun learning more about my brother and his life past and present. 
I sure hope after our visit that he continues to chat with us and hopeful that he doesn't think that just because we don't live in the same state that we can't continue to get to know each other. Again, I would just love for them to be able to meet the rest of my crew.
Starting to really miss my family at home. However, I hate to think about the fact that we will only be here one and half more days getting to know my brother and his family. The kids had a much better day today with their daddy. Oh and all the little ones were already asleep tonight at home by 9PM. I pray they have a better night and don't miss mommy too much :)
PS: Don't we make a cute family!!
Here are a few more pics from yesterday. We had afternoon coffee (hot chocolate for me at a whopping 8 points!) at Starbucks, then enjoyed a great seafood dinner together. We get to go watch my little nephew play soccer this morning. He is such a great kid. I can't wait to get him together with my bunch. They would have such an awesome time playing together. It's great to add more family, especially the fun adorable happy kind! Hopefully they can make their way out to our house soon so we can introduce the newest cousin to my crew. How fun would that be to get a picture of ALL of mom's grandkids together?!?!
Mom finally getting to hug her SON after 45 long years!!
God is good all the time, all the time God is good :)
The official countdown has begun! Tomorrow morning we leave out for Dallas to meet my brother. I was thinking last night how surreal this must be for my mom. Tomorrow will in a sense be her long anticipated Gotcha Day! I thought waiting 6 months for my Gotcha Days were tough?! How about over 45 years?!?!?! I will have to say she is handling it quite well and obviously she is very excited. I know how surreal is was on my girls' Gotcha Days not so long ago were for me. It almost felt like a dream. Like you were watching someone elses Gotcha Day happen. So tomorrow, I get to be there to witness yet again another Gotcha Day... Only this time it will be for a woman I love dearly, my mother.
What an amazing transformation the girls have done this year about going off to preschool in the mornings. They both get their bags and head over to the door, just waiting on Ms. Libby and Ms. Vicki. Both girls absolutely LOVE going to school now. Really I can't believe it! This is an obvious testimony to their preschool and their teachers for loving on them all day and making them feel so comfortable at school.
Only 3 more days until I am on the big airplane off to Texas to meet my brother! Crazy that it is already time to go. I will be gone for 4 days, and 3 nights. Yes, 3 nights without sleeping with my girls?!?!? I have no idea how CJ is going to manage the nights, but I know he will do GREAT with them during the days.
Here is my hubby with my babies, oh yeah plus this last baby too. I hope they have a great weekend without mommy. Not too great of course, just maybe a good weekend ;)
Unfortunately Caleb and Faith have both been sick this last week, and Caleb finally returned to school just today. He has had a terrible cough that just won't go away! I have been crazy busy so sorry not much time for blogging. Maybe later this week...
and hopefully she will begin a new one. My dear friend, Aisha is with a heavy heart today since it is her last day working with her adoption agency. As you may remember, Hope for Children closed its doors when I was traveling to bring Faith home. Fortunately my adoption case worker, the one and only Aisha, was able to temporarily stay on working from her house for the new agency that all of Hope's clients had to transfer to. But today her temporary position has ended :(
Aisha and I haven't always seen eye to eye, and heaven knows I am not the "ideal client" for sure! I am pretty sure I was one of Aisha's toughest clients and certainly one of the most demanding for sure ;) HOWEVER, she never once lost with me or was ever rude to me. 
Aisha is one of the very few people who was able to "know something" before I "knew something" in the adoption world. In the end, we realized we made a great pair and we are able to share our knowledge with each other and continue to do that to this day. Through both of my adoptions, Aisha and I have grown to be good friends and I am forever grateful to her for helping bring home my baby girls!!
Aisha will always have a special connection to my girls and especially to Faith as she was "hand chosen" by Aisha on my birthday. What an incredible gift Aisha gave me that I will truly never forget. So please keep Aisha in your prayers as she embarks on a new journey in her life. I pray that she will be able to continue her work helping others, as she truly has a heart for orphans :) I don't know how I could ever properly THANK HER for all the blessings she helped bring into my life!
"A hundred years from now it will not matter what your bank account was, the sort of house you lived in, or the kind of car you drove. But the world may be different because YOU were important in the life of a child."
Travis just lost one of his front teeth this past week. Ah, yet just another reminder that my baby boy is growing up! Isn't he just the cutest six year old you have ever seen?!?!?
What a simple video with a wonderful message! Click here as the video is only 5 minutes, but oh so life changing :)
Well if you were there, then you already know that Shelby had a BLAST at her big birthday party this past weekend! And of course we had a great time hosing our Adoption Option meeting on Friday night as well. A BIG thank you goes out to everyone who made it out to one of our special events this weekend. You made it a great one for sure. Here are some of the pics to prove it!!
Here are some pics from our latest adventure that we did over Labor Day weekend. We went to Chattanooga for some camping and of course fishing with our friends Frank and Betty. The kids (and us) absolutely LOVE spending the day with Frank and Betty on their boat. All the kids got to fish and pull them in one right after another from the boat dock. Shelby caught a few herself all by herself without any assistance. She will even pick up the worms and the toss the fish back in the water.
Happy happy birthday to my Shelby baby! Shelby turns 4 years old today. She is so excited about having a Strawberry Shortcake party tomorrow at DacKids. I love seeing the birthday excitement she has had all week anticipating her birthday party tomorrow :) What a joy it is to celebrate birthdays through the eyes of our children!
So of course we had to make birthday cupcakes for her class today. Shelby wanted yellow cake and pink icing, so that is what she got. We made it a family affair, and yes everyone got to eat one last night even though it was bedtime ;)
