Thank you to everyone for all the great birthday wishes yesterday. I was able to do everything I had planned...yard sale, baby shower, and dinner with CJ. I had a great birthday!
I have been thinking alot about how difficult it is going to be for Shelby to come live with people that she doesn't know or "want" to be with. She has been living with her foster mom for about 2 years and I know that it is going to be very hard for her to understand why she can't live with her anymore. I found this on another blog and thought that it was a great insight into how Shelby may feel when she comes home:
From a Toddler's Perspective
My child was adopted at age three from China. She learned English fairly quickly and has intact memories of the adoption. I was quite surprised (dismayed really) to hear her view of events. She told me that in China she thought that I was *stupid* because I could not talk!! My English must have sounded like gibberish to her. And apparently my attempts to speak Chinese were not successful. That I was *angry* at her in China. That she tried and tried to talk to me and I refused to answer her. (Her toddler Chinese was gibberish to me.) She simply could not understand why I refused to speak to her and attributed malevolent motives to it. That I looked "ugly and frightening" to her (she had never seen a Caucasian before). She told me that she thought her nanny had turned her over to monsters. (In hindsight we should have had our facilitator do more in the way of explanations with our new daughter.) As an aside, my child grieved and grieved the loss of her nanny for months after we got home. It was pathetic. She kept looking for her nanny and insisted her nanny would come back for her. Insisted also that she saw her nanny down the street, or that her nanny lived in a house across the way. One day, about 5 months after we got her, Lia asked me if the reason her nanny had given her away to strangers was because her nanny "no longer loved her." I had understood in an abstract way that my child would grieve, but I was not prepared for how heart wrenching it would be for Lia, and for me, to live with it on a day to day basis.
My child was adopted at age three from China. She learned English fairly quickly and has intact memories of the adoption. I was quite surprised (dismayed really) to hear her view of events. She told me that in China she thought that I was *stupid* because I could not talk!! My English must have sounded like gibberish to her. And apparently my attempts to speak Chinese were not successful. That I was *angry* at her in China. That she tried and tried to talk to me and I refused to answer her. (Her toddler Chinese was gibberish to me.) She simply could not understand why I refused to speak to her and attributed malevolent motives to it. That I looked "ugly and frightening" to her (she had never seen a Caucasian before). She told me that she thought her nanny had turned her over to monsters. (In hindsight we should have had our facilitator do more in the way of explanations with our new daughter.) As an aside, my child grieved and grieved the loss of her nanny for months after we got home. It was pathetic. She kept looking for her nanny and insisted her nanny would come back for her. Insisted also that she saw her nanny down the street, or that her nanny lived in a house across the way. One day, about 5 months after we got her, Lia asked me if the reason her nanny had given her away to strangers was because her nanny "no longer loved her." I had understood in an abstract way that my child would grieve, but I was not prepared for how heart wrenching it would be for Lia, and for me, to live with it on a day to day basis.
Please keep Shelby and our family in your prayers that we will be able to help Shelby grieve for the loss of her foster family. None of use will be able to fully understand the loss she is going to experience. I pray for the wisdom to help her in the best way possible.
4 comments:
Donna, I will pray that God will make His perfect grace abound and overflow in your life, as well as, in the life of little Shelby. May He supernaturally bless you with an intimate bond with her and may He protect her mind from the trauma that is normally associated with such a drastic move. He is able to do it and will strengthen you for the road ahead. See you at the next First Friday!
Will be praying. I am glad that you had such a happy, busy day. I have been praying for your family and I am sorry I didnt get to give you a hug!!! It was great to see you!
Wow, that was difficult to read. Bringing these precious children into our lives is so much bigger than we can fathom. Their little lives are turned upside down. I will pray for her heart to be open to your love, for your ability to bond with her, and for her foster family. May God prepare your family and your home.
Shelby is so cute. It was great meeting you the other day. Hopefully, our girls will get to play together.
Cathy
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