Ok folks, let's get real today. I am hoping to get some inside tips on what to expect after Shelby's arrival home. As wonderful as adoption is and the anticipation and the fun baby showers and the packing everything and all the planning for the big trip-I know it's not all fun and games! So let's talk about the "real" part. I know that after my first child, I experienced what I like to call the Mommy Meltdown. This is the day(s) that you find yourself a mental and physical wreck in the floor sobbing thinking "What have I done?". Now with my first child this completely took me by surprise. I had no idea that this was something I should have expected. Once I started asking other moms what was wrong with me, they simply grinned and said oh yeah, I did that too. What?!?! You did this too, then why in the world didn't anyone WARN me before I gave birth. Trust me as I heard plenty of advice on everything else under the sun (diapers, feeding, clothing, breastfeeding,etc, etc). Now where was the girlfriend to girlfriend talk about the Mommy Meltdown?! So frankly I was ticked to find out that everyone who was a mom knew about the meltdown, but no one stepped up to tell me the "ugly" side of becoming a new mom. Once I found out that everything I was experiencing was normal, I felt much much better about my situation and realized that I wasn't a BAD mom after all :)
Ok, so now here is your chance to give it to me-all the "bad" stuff! I am truly seeking out the not-so-rosy parts from all of my adoption friends out there. Please,please, please tell me about your personal experiences and what I should expect during what I expect to be the Adoption Avalanche. I figure that once you are home and settled, everything will come crashing down on your shoulders overwhelming you with new responsibilities. I can only assume that I will experience some sort of mommy meltdown reincarnation- just without the hormone surges. However, this is only an assumption and everyone know what assume can stand for. So let me have it all -the bad, the stuff no one likes to talk about, the stuff that no one wants to share regarding the adoption blues or as I like to call the Adoption Avalanche. I would love for you to share in the comments section, as I feel this is something that everyone needs to share with others as an educational opportunity. However, if you have something too personal to share online, then please please please email me directly at donna@tridia.com . I really do want to hear your stories so that if I experience the same issues, then I won't feel like a BAD mommy! Thanks in advance for commenting or sharing via email :)
Friday, September 28, 2007
Mommy Meltdown vs Adoption Avalanche
Thursday, September 27, 2007
First Friday Invite to All
Join us for the First Fridays: China Adoption Journey!
Featuring guest speaker Tony Nolan and worship leader Carole Ford!
Who: Any family thinking about adopting, in the process of adopting, or who has already adopted a child from China. Free childcare is provided during the meetings.
What: Live music, inspirational real-life adoption testimonies, the inside scoop on all things adoption, and guest speaker Tony Nolan!
When: Friday, Oct. 5 at 7:00 p.m.
Where: North Metro Church Campus (http://www.northmetro.org/)
2305 Barrett Parkway NW
Marietta, GA 30064
Tony Nolan of TNT Ministries is among our nation’s most influential spiritual leaders and one of America’s top gospel communicators. Every week Tony is sharing the good news across America through radio, TV, conferences, festivals, concerts, and church events. He is the author of the popular devotional book, "Faith Fuel -a refueling journey" and producer of several best-selling DVD and CD resources. For more information visit http://www.tonynolan.org/. Or contact: http://www.firstfridayschina.com/ or chapmansk@bellsouth.net
The "Surprise"
I found this on one of my boards today and just thought it was too cute not to post. Hopefully most of you will find it funny too, but I am sure my adoption friends will laugh out loud!
We always hear of the "surprise" or "oops" pregnancies.Imagine an "oops, I guess we're adopting again!" Here's how it would go:
Honey, sit down. I have some news for you.
What is it? Well, I don't know how to say this, so I'll just come out with it. I went to the mailbox today and... well, we got a 171-H.
A what?!? A 171-H? As in, we're going to have a(nother) baby?!?
It looks that way.But how? We've been so careful! I put away all the blank I-600A forms. Didn't you hide our homestudy update?Of course I did, but don't forget, there was that one night..What night? (pauses)
Ohhh, that night, But it was only once. We were just messing around. I didn't print clearly. I didn't even use ink! (pauses again)
But it was kind of fun. (giggles).It was, wasn't it?I'll never forget how cute you looked getting your fingerprints.So now we've got our 171-H, eh? But that doesn't always mean we'll adopt, does it?
I mean, shouldn't you see the agency or something, make sure everything's okay?I already did.And?I'm five documents along.Five documents!
And they're all okay... notarized, certified and authenticated correctly? Just great.
There was one small scare when the agency couldn't see the Notary's middle initial but it showed up just fine under the magnifying glass. Thankfully. And you, honey? Are you feeling okay?
I'm feeling fine. As long as I know you're happy about this.Happy? I'm thrilled!
It's always a shock at first when something like this happens, but of course I'm happy!!
Author Unknown
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Time for Cake (Moon Cakes)
Today is the day for the Mid-Autumn Festival Celebrations in China. In China and throughout many Asian countries, people celebrate the Harvest Moon on the 15th day of the eighth month of their lunar calendar. The date in the Western calendar changes yearly and this year it falls on September 25.
The Mid-Autumn Moon Festival is a little bit like Thanksgiving here in the US and is second only to the New Year celebration in importance to Chinese people. On this special day, Chinese people worship in temples and hold happy family dinners at home. It is a time of family gathering.
After nightfall they stroll under the stars to view the brightest and fullest moon of the year. Children run around with bright, colorful lanterns in many different designs and shapes. It is also a romantic night for lovers, who sit holding hands on hilltops, riverbanks and park benches, captivated by the brightest moon of the year.
The adults usually indulge in eating many varieties of moon cakes with hot tea. For generations, moon cakes - measuring about three inches in diameter and one and a half inches in thickness - have been made with sweet fillings of nuts, mashed red beans, lotus-seed paste or Chinese dates, wrapped in a pastry. Sometimes a cooked egg yolk can be found in the middle of the rich tasting dessert. People compare moon cakes to the plum pudding and fruit cakes which are served during English holiday seasons. Other traditional treats include pomelo, persimmon, steamed taro dipped in sugar and roasted chestnuts.
Confectioners start baking the cakes, which are made with gray, moon-colored flour, as much as a month before the festival, In fact, some bakers make all their profits for the year from moon cake sales alone.
Moon Festival altars are adorned with five dishes of round fruits, such as apples, peaches, pomegranates, grapes and small melons. The round shape symbolizes the moon, as well as family unity.
Families, relations and friends gather to enjoy the full moon, a symbol of promise for abundance, of harmony and luck. Some will beseech the beautiful Moon Goddess of Immortality for protection as well as family unity.
There are many legends and different ways to celebrate the Moon Festival. Central to all of those celebrations is gathering of family to enjoy the company of one another.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Weekend Fun
We had a fun weekend enjoying it with a lot of family. We started Saturday off at a cousin's wedding. It was very nice and a great experience for the boys as this was their first wedding to attend. Then we were off to another cousin's birthday party that evening. It is so great to have all of my relatives so close and we all still live in Georgia! That is very rare these days, but it is true for my family. CJ's mom visited us on Sunday and we got the great news that they are even moving closer to us. So now instead of a whole 45 minutes away, they will be only 15 minutes away. I know I am making all of you jealous, but yes we all live close together :) Anyway, we finished the day off yesterday at Boy Scouts and Awana, then dinner with friends from church. It was a nice weekend and pretty busy. Once Shelby is home we will probably not be on the go as much (at first) until she gets more comfortable. I am definitely not one to sit at home, but I know she will more than likely need some quiet time at home at first. We will just have to wait and see how much she can handle and work our calendar around her for the first couple of months :)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Incredible Educational Evening
Just thought while the evening was fresh on my mind, I would just do a massive brain dump of things I have learned, realized, or thought about this evening at 3rd Friday:
-Frannie is too cute
-Ally has adjusted well and fits in perfectly with her family
-I am very thankful to have such a wonderful adoption resource...3rd Friday
-Being a mom is a hard job
-Being a mom to an adopted daughter is a TOUGH job
-Being an adoptive mother is not for the faint of heart
-Shelby will one day probably tell me that she wishes she was with her China Mommy
-The best thing I should do to help Shelby adjust in life is just to shower her with love
-Adoptees tend to be "people pleasers" and eager to just "fit in"
-Shelby will one day be a teenager with issues
-Most of her "issues" will not be adoption related, but just teenager related
-Expect the issues!
-I need to read more books on adoption issues for the future
-Shelby's birth mother will always be a special part of our lives
-I should never let Shelby feel like she needs to protect me from her feelings about her birth mom
-I am very grateful for Shelby's birth mom and the incredible decision that she had to make
-The adoptees that spoke tonight were very brave for sharing their stories
-Birthdays will probably be the one day that Shelby will think of her birth mother the most
-I will never know her birth mom, for that I am sad
-I will never be able to explain to Shelby the true reason why her birth mom decided to put her up for adoption
-There will be al ot of tough questions that she will one day want an answer for
-Kids can be mean, although not always intentionally
-Shelby will be teased at school
-People will ask nosy questions and not always with good intentions
-Shelby should be the one to decide how much stranger's are told about HER story
-I will need to explain to Shelby that it is OK to have "her story"
-I will not always be with Shelby to protect her from other people's comments
-Shelby will need to feel loved and accepted no matter how she behaves or what she says
-Not all adoptees want to be immersed in their culture and heritage activities
-I should listen to Shelby and let her lead the direction in which she wants to go regarding her being involved in Chinese activities
-I need to "baby" Shelby as long as I can or she will let me when she comes home
-Shelby's birth mom will always have a bond with her that I will never have
-Shelby is the only one who has been able to hear and feel her birth mom's heart from the inside
-Shelby was born to be my daughter, from the minute she was conceived
-She was not an accident, she is my chosen daughter
-I am very lucky to have been chosen by Him for this incredible journey!
TGIF
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Lady Bugs Lady Bugs
In many cultures the ladybug has been believed to bring good luck.
In England a ladybug signifies a good harvest. In France, it means good weather is coming. In Sweden, if a ladybug lands on a girl's hand, it's said to be taking measurements for her wedding gloves. Another popular belief is that if ladybug lands on you, you can make a wish and chant:
"Ladybird, ladybird fly away home.
Your house is on fire and your children all roam."
If the ladybug flies away, your wish will come true.
*In Sweden, folks believe that if a ladybug lands on a young maiden's hand, she will soon be getting married.
*If you find a ladybug in your house, count the number of spots and that is how many dollars you will soon receive.
*In England, finding a ladybug means that you will have a good harvest.
*In France, if you are sick and a ladybug lands on you, when it flies away, it will take the sickness with it.
*If a ladybug has more than seven spots, then there will be a famine. If it has less than seven, then there will be a good harvest.
*At one time, doctors would mash up ladybugs and put them in a cavity to cure a toothache.
*Some people believe that the number of spots on a ladybug indicates how many children you will have.
*If you find a ladybug in your house in the winter you will have good luck.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Official Update
We received official updates on Shelby from the CCAA. These are really close to what we had already received from China Babies, so that confirms the numbers. It is good to hear that she is doing fine and growing everyday :)
Height: 84cm (33 inches)
Weight: 10.5kg (23 pounds)
Head size: 46cm (18 inches)
Chest size: 45cm (17.5 inches)
Length of feet: 12.5cm (5 inches)
No. of teeth: 13
I went to the boys' schools today and announced that they would be out of school for 2 1/2 weeks when we are gone to China. Caleb's teachers are going to get him up some work to do on the airplane rides as I am sure we will have plenty of down time on the plane ;) I don't think Travis will have too much to make up considering he is just in PreK this year. I am not thrilled about Caleb missing all that school, but I think a trip to China to get his sister is going to be pretty educational!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Successful Adoption Indicators
Successful Adoption Indicators
There are several factors that can predict the possibility of a successful adoption as well as the possibility of an adoption disruption. Having a good understanding of your family and the dynamics that it presents can help circumvent any possible problems before and after a child comes home.
Adoptive families that are working towards or currently possess the following characteristics are more likely to have a successful adoption experience:
*Families with emotional support from their family and friends
*Families who did not care what the “Jones” think
*Membership in an adoption support group (families share common problems which normalizes their own family transitional problems)
*Family engages in family leisure activities as a whole throughout the week
*Involvement in a religious practice
*Lower to middle income, high school or two or less years of college education
*Children who have been able to maintain past relationships in their new placements
*Adoptive Families who remain active within their adoption agency
*Children who have been able to have closure with past caregivers
*Families with some child care or parenting experiences
*Families who continue to education themselves about adoption issues as well as any special needs of the child
*Families with a strong marriage or partnership
*Patience
*Families that are more empathic towards a child and the past issues that they have had to face rather than blaming them for the family problems
*Adoptive families who put the needs of the child before their own-ALWAYS
*Easy assess to post-adoption services
*Resolved infertility issues
*Women who do not need to feel “appreciated” everyday and do not take child rejection or behavioral concerns personally
Fortunately, we have a whole lot of "checks" for this list!
Monday, September 17, 2007
FCCA Potluck
We had a great time on Saturday at the FCCA Potluck. I really enjoyed meeting everyone and getting to see all the kids. It was great to have all the kids running around and playing together. We also received some great information on the never ending paperwork cycle for our kids. Thank you to everyone who was able to make the trip over and I hope to see you all again soon to meet Shelby in person. I am happy to see such a great community and network of people who are so close to us. The FCCA is a terrific resource for our kids that I plan to fully utilize! Here are a few pics of the fun day we had. As you can see there were a lot of smiling faces around and that is always a pleasure to host such a happy event!
Drum Roll Please...
Introducing Frannie! Ellen was nice enough to make the haul over to my side of town this weekend for the Potluck. Oh and mainly for me to finally meet Frannie in person!! She was so cute and an absolute delight. I am so happy she has found her way home to her mommy finally. Thanks to Ellen for sharing her little cutie pie and answering my 101 questions (only 1001 left!) I am hopeful that our girls will grow up together and be good friends. Also a thanks to Frannie for bringing her mommy into our lives as well :)
Friday, September 14, 2007
Back to Reality
Whew! I am finally coming down off of Cloud 9 since receiving our LOA on Wednesday. Needless to say we are very excited to be going to China. We are planning on leaving Oct 31-headed to Beijing. We will spend a few days sight seeing and then fly (3.5 hours) to Nanning, which is where we get Shelby! It is very very real now that we have official confirmation from China that Shelby is ours forever. I haven't started my "list" of things to do between now and then, but my head is spinning just thinking about everything. Right now I am focusing on our big FCCA Waiting Family Potluck that we are hosting tomorrow at 5pm. Everyone adopting or who has adopted or even interested in adoption is welcome. So let me know if you need directions. There are about 14 families signed up so it looks like we will all be tight and cozy in my little house :) I really really hope it doesn't rain so all the kids can play outside. I will finally get to see little Frannie in person! I can't wait to see her in Ellen's arms. So it looks like we are going to have a great party with a lot of new people there that I haven't even met. It is amazing to see how adoption brings so many new friends in to our lives!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Survived
A big THANKS to everyone who rallied around us yesterday and posted great comments during that tough day. I did survive and we actually went out for Chinese last night to celebrate. So Thanks to everyone!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Happy Birthday Shelby!
Today is my baby' s birthday and it is filled with a lot of emotions. I didn't realize just how tough it was going to be today. I wish she was here so we could celebrate with her. We sent a care package in hopes that she would receive a few presents to celebrate with her foster family. We included the pics above to show her that we were celebrating her birthday too. I know that luckily she doesn't "miss" anyone right now, but oh how I miss her :(
Happy Birthday Ning Fu Hong!!
Monday, September 10, 2007
First Friday High
I think I am still on my First Friday high. It is the strangest thing to simply go meet with a bunch of people, and leave feeling so good. The last Chapman's meeting was everything I expected it to be and more. Everyone I had ever met at FF was there all in one night. It was truly amazing to see so many people who have touched my adoption journey in one way or another. One highlight of the evening was seeing Sheridan in person! I was privileged enough to meet his parents the same week they received his referral back in February. It has been a wonderful experience to ride this roller coaster with Kim and Michael to finally bring their son home. Sheridan is definitely "all boy" and looks like he is right at home with his parents. I sure hope they both have a steady stream of caffeine pouring into them just to be able to keep up with this cutie pie! Even though this was their big night introducing Sheridan, they were kind enough to remember my Shelby and already brought her a little gift. That just goes to show you what kind of people they are and I am thankful to have their friendship.
I probably could have stayed at the Chapman's talking to everyone all night long. There were so many people there and so many kids-it was wonderful! I have included a picture album below that is the visual picture to our Red Thread to Shelby...
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Little Update on LOA
I was fortunate enough to get a small update from my agency on Friday. They said that my dossier has made it on to the Stage 3-Matching Room (see below) of getting our LOA. My agency said we should hopefully receive our LOA in a week or two. So it doesn't look like we will get it on Shelby's birthday, but at least we know it should be here soon. We will take this as good news considering that we have not heard anything negative about our dossier. Meaning we haven't received any questions from China and don't appear to have any problems with our paperwork. So lets all keep the faith and hope our LOA gets here soon. Shelby needs to hurry up and get home to be with her family before Thanksgiving!
Friday, September 7, 2007
Tribute to the Chapman's
Well tonight is the final "at home" First Friday gathering at the Chapman's house. The Chapman's have now expanded this incredible once a month adoption gathering to a bigger facility. It is somewhat bittersweet as tonight is the last one in their home. I wrote a letter to the Chapman's to let them know how much I personally appreciate their generosity to the adoption world and thought I would share it with everyone:
Dear Chapmans,
How do I put in to words the “feeling” that I get when I think about a First Friday? It is truly hard to explain and really impossible to relate to unless you have been there. So I guess that is just it -and probably one of the reasons you all decided to open your hearts and home to so many of us. Unless you have been there, you cannot understand the raw emotions that come along with adoption. This is why First Friday has become so important to me. Everyone there can understand what my family is currently experiencing first hand. First Friday is the place where I am not “strange” or “weird” for loving and constantly thinking about my daughter whom I have never met.
I actually get a little excited on the Monday before First Friday, by just putting it on my calendar. I look forward to the meeting all week. I have only been attending the meeting for about 7 months, so I sometimes feel like a newcomer. I know a lot of other people who have been attending First Friday for many many months. However, I have always felt right at home from the very first meeting. I have learned so much from the meetings. I think back to the very first meeting and how little about the process I knew at that time. Oh what all has transpired over the last 7 months!
I still remember the first time I spoke at a meeting. I simply asked, “Is anyone here in the Waiting Child Program?” Three people raised their hands, and my door was opened. I spent the rest of the evening probing those people for answers to my hundreds of questions. This was truly the start of my daughter’s Red Thread Journey.
I met a couple that night who were adopting a little girl with a cleft lip/palate by the name of Lily. They told me all about how they “found” her on a Waiting Child list and the process they took to adopt her. At the time, they were still waiting to travel to get her. I also met a couple who had just been approved to adopt a little boy who they were naming Sheridan. This couple was with my agency so I was able to ask them how they were matched off the Waiting Child list from our agency. And finally I quizzed another lady about how she was matched with her Waiting Child and her personal thoughts on adopting a toddler. All of these interviews led me on the quest to find my daughter through China’s Waiting Child Program.
Since I was enchanted with pictures of Lily, it was through her that I found my daughter. I was given a website to follow along with Lily’s parents to go to China and pick her up. It was a Tuesday morning and I clicked on their website to see how their trip was going. On her site was a link to their adoption agency. I simply clicked on that link and my life was changed forever. I pulled up their Waiting Child list that had been posted only hours before. It was there that I first laid my eyes on Ning Fu Hong, my daughter -Shelby!
I will never be able to thank you all enough for stepping up and taking on First Friday month after month. I know that it is a lot of hard work and organizing and setting up and cleaning house and planning around and so on and so on. I am sure there have been many times that you guys didn’t really want to keep going or maybe just wanted to cancel for a month or two. I hope you know how much it means to all of us to have you there month after month. You all have put others first and I sincerely thank you for it. How can I ever repay someone who is so clearly part of our Red Thread to Shelby!
If there is anything I can do to help with the new phase of First Friday, please do not hesitate to ask. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this new chapter of First Fridays.
With Love, Donna, CJ, Caleb, Travis, and Shelby Straight
Thursday, September 6, 2007
LOA Process
As most of you know we are just sitting around waiting waiting and waiting for the official LOA to finally arrive. Now the deal is that you really have no control over when it arrives. The average wait time recently has been around 90 days. Our 90 day mark will be Tuesday, Shelby's birthday! So as you can tell I am desperately hoping for this big birthday present. All I currently know about my LOA progress it that I was told about 3 weeks ago that my dossier was in the first room (Stage One). I haven't heard anything else about how far down the track it has gone since then. Yesterday a few people posted on Rumor Queen that they had received their LOAs and they all had dates right in my date range of LID 6/13/07. So everyone keep their fingers and toes crossed that we receive our LOA in time for Shelby's birthday celebration!
I've done a bit of research (actually I just stole it from this blog), and this is how the process to LOA works:
Stage One: Translation
The CCAA needs to make sure that all documents in a dossier sent are translated into Mandarin. The workers in the Translation Room make sure that all the parts of the parental dossier are translated in Mandarin. Our dossier (from America) was written in English and so all the paperwork needed to be re-written in Mandarin so that the CCAA workers could read it. Dossiers from other countries are sent in other languages - Dutch, Swedish, Spanish...they all need to be re-worded into Mandarin so that all the CCAA workers can read them. Parental dossiers have a lot of pieces to them and translating them can take a long time.
Stage Two: Review
After a dossier is translated, it goes to the Review Room. The CCAA has a set of rules that adoptive parents must follow to be able to adopt a child from China. These rules are there to protect China's children and try to make sure that only the most qualified parents are allowed to adopt. In the Review Room, CCAA workers read through the documents in hopeful parent dossiers and check to make sure that all the paperwork is in order. If there is a problem with a dossier - this is where it would be found. The CCAA would then ask for more information regarding that set of parents and sometimes decides that some prospective parents will not be allowed to adopt from China. Most parental dossiers that are sent follow all the rules and regulations of the CCAA and are approved.
Stage Three: Matching
In this final stage - families who have passed review are sent to the Matching Room. In this room are all the dossiers of children whose information has been sent by their SWIs to find them a family. The workers in this room have the very important task of matching the right family to each child. In the case of a special needs child, the match has already been made, so the matching room process is very fast. It is here they send the final LOA!!
Here is a blog with some pictures of the various rooms at the CCAA.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Nanning Pics
I found a site with some great pictures of Nanning, Guangxi. This is where we will be going to get Shelby from. We will be in Nanning for probably about a week. As you can see it is a large city so we should have a lot to do and see. Since you know I don't like to stay put for very long, this is a good thing! I just love the shot of their "parking lot".
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Some answers for those stupid ??s
The one thing I am not looking forward to are thoughtless questions asked about our child.I found these on a fellow bloggers site and thought it appropriate to share with you. I don't ever want to be at a loss for words if asked the questions below. BTW, these are real questions that are commonly asked. Unreal.
Q- How much did she cost?
Smart Answer (SA)- All my heart.
Educational Answer (EA)- Buying children is both illegal and unethical. If you're interested in knowing more about gov't fees and donations for someone you know that's adopting, I'd be happy pass on my agency's website to you.
Q-What is she?
SA- She looks human to me.
EA- Do you mean what is her ethnicity? She is Chinese.
Q-Won't you have to teach her to speak English?
SA- What baby do you know that didn't have to learn to speak English?
EA- Babies learn to speak the language that is spoken around them.
Q-Why China when there are children in the USA that need homes?
SA- Is that where you're adopting from? Oh, you're not adopting? I just thought you might be since you're so interested in making sure the children in the good ole USA are taken care of.
EA- China was the right choice for us at this time for many reasons.
Q-Are you going to tell her she's adopted?
SA- Seriously? Have you even looked at us?
EA- It will be pretty obvious. Besides, I want to share her adoption story with her.
Q- Are you her real Mom/Dad?ONLY ONE ANSWER- YES!!!