Ok, here is the latest dilemma in my head these days... What is the best possible answer to some of the "sister" questions I get now? This is how a "normal" conversation might go when I am out and about:
Stranger: They are so cute!
Me: Thank you
Stranger: Where are they from?
Me: China
Stranger: Are they sisters?
Me: Yes
Stranger: No, I mean REAL sisters?
Me: They are now!
Nosy Stranger: No I meant are they REAL biological sisters?
Me: Why do you ask?
Nosy Stranger: Taken back and usually ends the conversation and walks away.
Now here is the deal. I don't really mind the questions as I know people are curious and people are people. But here is where I have to step up to the plate and be the best mom I can be, so I need to decide now while they are young the best "canned answer" for some of these questions. And keep in mind that I could care less about what others think, I only want to answer the best way that matters the most to my girls.
So I am wide open for suggestions??! What do you think the girls would like me to say out and public when asked...Are they sisters?
12 comments:
A definite YES!
End of conversation is Yes they are sisters, real sisters ..... nosy parkers!
You and I are sisters in Gods eyes are we not?
I think that person was very rude to you.
You are so blessed with this family you have.
Love Granny
I agree that folks are just curious -- your answer is great and I'm working on memorizing it! You could say, "Your kids are certainly cute; are THEY REAL siblings?"
Yes they are, twins.
I would say yes and leave it at that. If they got more specific, asking if the girls were biological siblings, I'd either ask "why do you need to know?" or "that's a very personal question - I'm surprised you felt comfortable asking it." Although they may sound like rude responses, they truly aren't. It just points out THEIR rudeness for asking something that is totally irrelevant to their lives.
I think it's really important for people to learn that this is an inappropriate question. It devalues the adoptive sibling bond in ways they don't think about.
Wow Donna- People are curious and some people just step over the line into rude.
What to say hmmm
They are real sisters and I am their real mom- Although I know they are as cute as dolls, they are the real deal, sisters. Then walk away- they'll get it.
Go Liz I totally agree with you. People can be so rude. I understand that sometimes they are curious, but there has to be some line drawn for the sake of the girls. I love your answer. Sounds like you handled that well Donna. I am not looking forward to those questions I will learn to have to bite my tounge for my son's sake :)
We say an emphatic YES to the are they real sisters, and if they say, "You know what I mean, are they REAL sisters?" I emphatically answer yes.
I understand what they are asking, but it is a fact that my girls are REAL sisters and there is no need to qualify it further.
"Are they REAL sisters?"
"Well, they aren't IMAGINARY."
I only have one daughter from China and so far I've not been asked if she and my other children (bio) are siblings. I've heard people talk about this though and I didn't think that much of it. Until one day when I had my friend's twin daughters (Chinese). Some one asked me if they were sisters and the same thing happened, "yes, they are sisters"; "are they real sisters" "YES, THEY ARE TWINS"! And it kinda bothered me all day and continues to perplex me. I know there seems to be a natural curiosity, but why is that??? I'm with the other folks who vote that you just answer the question "YES" and "YES" and leave it at that. It could be a boost to the girls identity and their bond as sisters to hear their mommy confirm that they are indeed "real sisters". Anyone who knows you well enough to ask that question doesn't need to ask because they already know that Shelby and Faith are REAL sisters!
I like your answer. Why do they ask? Make them think about the words they are asking esp in front of the girls. Oh and glad Faith is feeling better. Cute bathroom pics.
My daughters are age 5 (China) and 6 (Kazakhstan) and look nothing alike other than the fact they are both Asian. I've heard the question many times and can pretty much bank on the next one being, "no, are they REAL sisters?" My stock answer is: "They are now!"
absolutely! People can be so rude and cruel! I love your blog. I came across it through another friend and just thought to pop in and visit. Your children are beautiful and are "absolutely"
"real" sisters. Your answer was perfect...their questions were STUPID. (a new friend in Utah)
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