Unfortunately the evening didn't get any better last night and actually took a turn for the worst. Here is a post I just posted on my boards to try to see if anyone else has experienced what we are going through with Shelby:
I have been a lurker on this board for over a year learning ALOT of great information. My daughter had palate surgery on Monday and I have a couple of questions regarding your child's attitude/bonding/attachment issues after surgery. My daughter has completely "turned" on me since the surgery. She acts just like she did while we were in China pushing me away, pinching, pushing, kicking, etc. Mainly she does this at night time trying to go to sleep. It is just the same in the sense that one minute she pushes me away, then the next she wants me to hold her close. We seem to be going through our beginning bonding/attachment phase all over again and we have been home for 5 months now. She was very upset at the hospital and felt completely betrayed by our trust in allowing this to happen to her- it was heartbreaking to watch. Have any of your children experienced this same type of behavior?
Hopefully I will get some answers soon. Shelby fought from 10-12PM last night before finally giving up and falling asleep. She was then back awake at 4AM and screamed and fought HARD for 3 straight hours. I would just lay there and let her throw her fit just not allowing her to really hurt me. I have tried holding her too which really makes her mad. I am sad that all of our hard work at bonding seems to be completely gone :( I am taking her off of her prescription meds today to see if maybe that is messing with her head. We are going to try just Tylen0l for the pain to see if that can keep the pain under control without the Hydroc0d0ne. If you have any words of wisdom, I am all ears!
6 comments:
I thought maybe the behavior the 1st night was from the anesthesia - some kids react that way- I think you are going through her anger at her pain and you are the person she feels safest with to inflict the pain on. She does not understand why she feels this way. Hydrocodone is somewhat addictive- sooner she can be off it the better. I would call your doctor for a different prescription. Maybe you could dose her with tylenol and then give her something to sleep- ask you doctor - the hydrocodone may need to be out of her system for awhile before switching to something else. Perhaps you can give her a safe zone to express her anger- A pillow she can punch- and a bean bag to throw herself on. It sounds like she can not figure out how to get comfortable - and I feel so bad for her. Is she allowed to have orajel and topical anesthetics to relieve the pain? I think it is common for children to regress during a surgery. Try to remain calm and use the same things that calmed Shelby first. Singing , music, massage, low lights? I know that this is so difficult for you after so much progress- but I know that she will get back to where she was after this was over. I know it is sad -but she may expect you to abandon her- she probably is used to dealing with pain by herself. I think you are doing everything you can to help her feel loved and wanted.
Liz and Michelle
Shelby is a fighter and full of spunk - I'm sure that is all magnified in her pain and not understanding. I'm sure she will come around soon....
I'm praying for you with all my might! Attachment is a process not a one-time thing. You were able to bond before and you will do it again.
Great intuition Mama~vicodin has several adverse reactions including anxiety, fear, lethargy, mood changes, dysphoria (unpleasant/uncomfortable mood), etc...Tylenol is a great pain reliever, but maybe ask the doctor if you can give children's motrin-- it is a great pain reliever as well as having anti-inflammatory effects to help swelling of tissues--maybe try that, but I would take her off of the hydrocodone (vicodin) too. Some people just don't do well taking some drugs and some do ok--Lily, for instance, has a real noticable "hyper hour" about 30 minutes or so after she has Benedryl--she's like a different child...then she'll crash. Yes~it's an opiate and can be addictive-and people abuse it, but the Dr.'s at children's aren't going to give you enough or give it long enough for Shelby to become addicted. Unresolved pain management impedes healing.
Shelby is a tough cookie--she's down right ticked...who could blame her. She's confused and hurting...she's acting out at you because she knows you'll be there for her despite the way she acts. At 5 months home you still have some time to put in with the attachment thing--Lily is now home 11 months--we even much better off in that area now than we were at 5 months (with a surgery in there too)--time and perseverance Mama!
I will keep you guys in my prayers. I am sure Shelby will be back to her bright self really soon.
Cathy
Donna, I think you are right on the mark when you say that you are right back where you were in China. Shelby may feel betrayed. She let down her guard and started to love you and now you are the cause of her pain (in her mind). You do have to regain her trust. It is so true that bonding is a process. I remember, with Grace especially, when Gracie finally became 100% assured that she was here to stay. It was at least 2 years after she came home! It took at least 4 months for her to get over the night terrors and the fear of abandonment but after that there was always a little part of her that she held back. I don't know what would have happened if we would have had to go through surgery or something of that nature. With Analiese she decided the 2nd night home that she was here to stay (I attribute that to the wonderful preparation by her SWI directors and aunties).
I hate that you are going through this but once you do get through it I bet that your bond with Shelby is going to be so much stronger.. She is really testing you and seeing if you are willing to "stand by" her during her worst. I wish I could help--maybe we can get Analiese and Shelby together and Analiese can show Shelby that she also had surgery and that it was a good thing--call me if you want to work something out! You are all in my prayers!
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