It's almost time...

Well this is my last post before our big day tomorrow at CHOA. I feel like we are getting ready for China again. Crazy I know, but I have a lot of the same feeling inside as to when we were about to leave to get my baby. I am of course anxious and scared, but also kind of excited and relieved that the time has come. This surgery is just the first step in getting Shelby on the road to a normal communication path for the rest of her life. Shelby just loves to talk and talk (like her Nana) and she gets very frustrated when you don't understand what she is saying. She cracks me up wanting to talk on the phone all the time and call certain people. Every time I hang up the phone she immediately asks "Who's that?!", too funny! So I can't wait until she can speak clearly on her own where everyone can understand her.

One of the BIG things that Shelby is about to experience is the lost of her "numb numb numbing" (as I call it). This is the sucking motion that she makes with her mouth as her soothing technique. She does her numb numb numbing thing to put herself to sleep as she rubs on her blankets (or dresses as you know). The good part about not having to wear arm restraints all the time will be that hopefully she can get some relief from still being able to rub on her blankets. However, coming from someone who has about 35 years of experience in the sucking-soothing habit, I know that she is really really really going to be upset about the fact that her mouth is going to hurt and it is going to feel completely different when she tries to sooth herself by numb numb numbing. I felt so sad for her tonight as I watched her soothe herself to sleep one last time numb numb numbing away with her mouth :( Hopefully the pain I think she will have about losing this habit won't be near as bad as I think it will be. I can only hope that she finds comfort in using her blankets and of course by leaning on mom to get her through.

I was so emotional today just thinking about tomorrow. Every time someone would come up to me at church and let me know they would be praying for her, my eyes would start watering. I don't know why really since I do feel like she is going to be OK and that this is absolutely the right thing to do. I guess it just got to me all day thinking about all the people that have come to know and love on this little girl in the 5 short months that we have had her. (OH and yes today is her 5 month Gotcha Day anniversary!) I am so thankful for everyone who is praying for my little girl tomorrow. I will ask that you please continue to pray for us and for her speedy recovery. We will get to the hospital tomorrow at 7:30am and her surgery is scheduled for 9:30am. So please please PRAY for her!

The strangest part about her surgery is the weird feeling that I have that this surgery has alot to do with the fact that she is MY child. It is hard to explain, but in a lot of ways I feel like she has to endure this painful surgery because in a lot of ways this is how Shelby became part of my life. Shelby's cleft is what "identified" her for me. God put a call to my heart that I would adopt a child that was cleft affected. He made it perfectly clear to me of how to identify my daughter before I even laid my eyes on her referral picture. I knew that she would have a physical characteristic that I could not deny, and of course as you see she does. So if it weren't for her cleft, I might of "missed" her. I am so thankful that I didn't "miss" her and that God made it possible for us to find each other. So I guess I am just feeling kind of responsible for her having to endure this surgery. I know I know that that is not something I can do anything about, but that is just the way I feel. I would so take her place tomorrow in a heartbeat, but that is not the way it works. So as we move onto tomorrow, I will continue to pray for her and thank God that I can be with her every step of the way on her road to recovery. I can't wait to see her back to her sweet smiling fun loving life self soon. I know my baby will be OK and I am so thankful to have her here at home with her mommy and daddy as she goes through this experience. She also is very blessed to have everyone out there praying for her. I am amazed at how many people have told us they are praying for us and thinking of us as we get ready for tomorrow. So thank you thank you for being a special part in our lives. I wouldn't be able to get through without all of the support we have surrounding us.

I will update whenever I can while we are at the hospital. And don't forget that my blog is based on Straight talk, so that means you get the good, bad, and the UGLY. If you don't want the real stuff then I suggest you not visit for a few days. Hopefully there won't be too much ugly, but I expect there will be some. So stay tuned and please keep praying!

Oh and some of you asked about the pics below. Isn't she just beautiful?!? I was really impressed with the photos since you can do so much with them. They were taken at P0rtrait In0vations. Oh and by the way, we all get plenty of warnings about how tough jet lag is, how bad gotcha day can be, and how bad the first week home is. Well what happen to the warnings about how tough it is to decide which pictures you take home from your first professional photo sitting?!??! Yes, my wallet was taken for a ride yesterday (without warnings) but as you can see she is worth every penny :)