Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Village

Just read this post and my oh my how true it is.  I know it is long, but if you are part of
"my village" then it would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks for being my village, couldn't do it without you!

These were my favorites out of her list:

3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from.

4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better.

1 comment:

k1 said...

Hi. Popped in from RQ. Love the points you quoted from the other blog. So much, so, that I think I'll pop over there to read all of them.

I haven't adopted myself, but have accompaniedy my sister and her family to China on two adoptions so have a connection with all our different travel families. After several years, still check RQ daily just because of the connections with other adoptive families. Congrats on being one step closer to getting Ian.